Getting Real Part 1

I really don’t like to talk about me. I’m an introvert. From my Myer-Briggs Personality test: “You have distinctive preference of Introversion over Extraversion. In fact I often have to remind myself to connect with other people, to go see friends. Weeks can go by where the most interaction I have is at the coffee shop. Which I started going to because I realized I needed to go out and meet people!

I’m pretty smart so when I’m in conversation with people I easily deflect and redirect the conversation about the other person(s). This is a reason I love to coach. I can listen and get in to you, how you think and work. I can offer up information about me when I know this will help my client. Say you’re my client, you’re working over 60 hours a week, you’re feeling stressed out, you’re single and frustrated with no time to date, and you feel isolated except for work ‘friends’ and drinking buddies. I’m going to tell you that I have been in your chair. I’m going to tell you what my life looked like at that time for me. Then I’m going to tell you that my life no longer looks like that, and that yours doesn’t have to either.

That’s just a little insight about where I’m coming from. I don’t make friends easily, not because I can’t but because I don’t like having a large group of friends. I don’t like my phone going off constantly about who did what, and what she was wearing when she did it. I would rather have a nice cup of tea or a beautiful craft beer at home with a good book. I would rather have a small group of trusted individuals over for a dinner party. I know how that sounds. I know that’s why I don’t have a ton of friends. I have come to terms with that. I would rather be me and be happy than feel like I’ve spent my time wasting it.

I’m telling you all this to set you up for why I feel as if lemons are being chucked at my head. When I decided to change my life I was a bartender. I had been a bartender in NYC for 10 years. I have no complaints. I was able to quit my job every year and buy a one way ticket to a different country. I got to go to some amazing places. I could come back, find a new job, sometimes pick up at the same one and start over. I moved to San Diego for a ton of reasons. None of them really important other than it was time for a change.

I love San Diego, it’s a beautiful town with out a lot of year round bartending jobs. So I eventually moved to Los Angeles.

I bartended here in LA for a few years. I wasn’t able to find a place I could stick, most of the jobs I could get were on the other side of town or places that were brand new and most of those fail let alone make any money. So at the poking and prodding of my partner and my bestie I started teaching Ballet Barre fitness classes. They were awesome but not a full time job. So I did that and worked at a restaurant. 

I was beginning to lose the few friends I had made simply because I was no longer bartending and keeping night owl hours. I was switching over to mornings. I’m not really a morning person but coming from NYC where it’s winter 10 months out of the year the sun is incredible in LA. I really don’t mind getting up to the sun shining. However I couldn’t go out drinking until all hours anymore. My friends didn’t seem to be interested in getting up before their 4pm shift to go for a hike. I started making different friends.

At this point my best friend was bartending at a dive that went all night so I didn’t really see her much, my partner and I were in the long process of breaking up. I was in desperate need of a friend. Any friend. So I made a few, sorta. No one that was really a friend to me in the way that I was a friend to them. You’ve all had those people in your lives that take consistently swearing that they will ‘like totally’ be there for you but end up drunk/fighting with boyfriend/hooking up with random/didn’t pay the phone bill/you get the idea. I can honestly say that I still wish I could make friends with someone who gets up for the day, likes to hike in the sun, and doesn’t feel the need to drink (or smoke it is Cali after all) every night. Between bartending for 10 years in the city that never sleeps and dating an alcoholic for 3 years I have a distaste for altered states that I don’t think I will ever get over. Obviously I have nothing against drinking, I love well crafted booze. I would love to home brew some day, kombucha in one jar, beer in the other jars… lol. But there is a difference between a glass of something exquisite and drinking.

So I have decided to honor my body and mind I need to make some changes. To rise early and take Tai Chi in the park, to hike in the sun, to eat whole clean foods, and to teach others how to live their lives to honor themselves. This is my calling, Health Coaching and cooking for the world. I came from so far away that I don’t know anyone at this party. That’s ok. But it is the first Lemon to the face.

Let’s end part one here.

Loneliness 

Part 2 next week.